“There are sixty queens

And eighty concubines,

And virgins without number…

My dove, my perfect one,

Is the only one”

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband”

(SS 6:8, 9; Eph 5:31-33)

It is believed that civilization came in through the influence of the ancient cultures, the two main ones being Greek and Roman. The Roman law is still the basis for the constitution of many countries today. I gathered the following information about the life of women in the Roman Empire, especially before Christianity spread in Rome and beyond. Read and mediate on these words:

A Roman household was considered a collective body over which the father was the leader.  Slaves, who had no legal standing, were part of the household only as property. The legal standing of daughters differs little from that of sons. If the father died without a will, the right of a daughter to share in the family property was equal to that of a son. The father had the right and duty to find a husband for his daughter. That is why first marriages were normally arranged. Technically, the couple had to be old enough to consent (12 for girls and 14 for boys).

After marriage the husband and his wife kept their properties separate. The bride became subject to her husband, but to a lesser degree than their children. But a daughter’s legal relationship to her father remained unchanged even though she moved into her husband’s home. A daughter was expected to submit and honor her father all his life, even if she had to disobey her husband. As a married woman, she kept her own family name for life, not assuming that of her husband. This arrangement explained the degree of independence Roman married women enjoyed relative to those of other ancient cultures. Although she had to answer to her father legally, she didn’t live her daily life under his direct scrutiny and her husband had no legal power over her. To be a good daughter was esteemed to be better than to be a good wife! The testimony of the father was greater than that of any husband.

We see that in the Roman Empire marriage was not a strong institution. The familiar spirits were in charge, to guide men and women all their lives. The children’s submission to their father was always a priority. Because of the strong ties to their families, the young couple was not able to truly cleave to each other as the Bible demands it. That is why Apostle Paul commanded the Christian wives to be different than their culture; to submit to their own husbands and not to their fathers. It does not mean that the young people will abandon their parents but they have to change their priorities. The marriage was now more important than the father’s house. The testimony of the husband is now greater than that of the natural father or any other man.

In Greek, the word ‘leave’ means to forsake, to let go. Something that was useful in the present becomes now a thing of the past. Something that was a priority is now ‘demoted’ into the second place. The word ‘cleave’ means to glue two parts together so that they become one new object with a different function. This ‘leaving and cleaving’ is a mystery, a deep spiritual secret. God alone knows who is to cleave. No man knows his life partner without prayer and direct personal revelation from God. Just the way you cannot glue together wood and metal, or plastic and paper, so also the Holy Spirit cannot seal an unequally yoked relationship. Any man or woman who is self-confident and boasting of his choice of a life partner, without asking God, that man is a fool. For God made marriage to be a mystery and only Him has the key to open it.

The wife submits to her own husband as a sign that she fears God. This submission cannot be demanded; it cannot be taken by arguments of force. The submission of the wife is her gift to her husband, in the name of the Lord!

The husband is to love his wife ‘in particular’. The word means to see her special even if she is in the crowd, to be attentive to all the details of her needs, to understand how her body and her spirit works, to be careful to avoid mistakes and hurt her; to desire her best and the fulfillment of her destiny.

Let me be more personal: When my husband and I we got married, we were both unbelievers. We did not pray. We did not go to church. Looking back, after forty years of marriage, I thank God for His mercy, His love and wisdom to us. We are now both saved and in full time ministry. I am now free to apply the principles of the Bible. I submit to my husband and I honor him for no other human reason except that I fear God. This is the truth: I fear God; I hate grieving His Spirit; I desire to please Him in all things even in my marriage. This element is new in my life. Before I got saved, I used to submit to my husband but only because he liked that attitude and it made him happy. But now it is different. All things must be done respecting God’s presence in our midst, as a form of worship and for His glory alone. In the past my husband used to tell others: ‘My wife is very good to me’. Each time he said that I was very happy. But now, he says much more than that: “My wife is a woman of God indeed!” My husband loves me as Christ loves the church. I feel secure in his love for me. My husband loves me ‘in particular’. He is attentive to my needs and he makes every moment of our marriage special and unforgettable. This is my testimony freely spoken to the glory of God!

In Christ I declare:

I left my natural parents to marry my husband (wife)!

I do not submit to anyone as I submit to my husband!

I do all things as unto the Lord!

My testimony is increasing!

To the glory of God!

In Jesus name

Amen!