“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.” (Gen 2;18)
My husband and I we are married for almost 44 years. From the revelation of the Word of God and from my experience as a wife, mother, grandmother and pastor, I write these notes…
God invented the institution of marriage. God alone has the key to a successful marriage. He gives that secret key to them who are born again and who want to know His ways in all things, including their married life. Because we are born sinners, it is very easy to take love or marriage for granted. To take for granted it means to accept or to use something or someone in a careless manner. In marriage, it means to live together, have children but without true love for one another and without giving glory to God. This is a sad but very common reality even in the Christian homes.
Human beings are created to love God and to love others. God invented marriage where love can have a place to grow so that He can bless it. True love means to intimately know each other. This intimacy requires spiritual maturity and emotional stability. Each partner needs to know self and the other. Marriage is a deep mystery and full time work of love. A lazy man will make a bad husband. A selfish woman will make a bad wife. The fear of intimacy is poison to satisfaction in marriage. It leads to loneliness and depression even while married. In this way marriage has lost its godly purpose.
Marriage, love and true friendship are not easy. There are many snares to avoid, many tests to pass along the way. In the process of knowing one another, we fall into many temptations. Sacrificial love is risky because we are sinners saved by grace. We dream big but we invest too little for our dreams to come true. Most lovers get disappointed in life. A relationship can be wounded superficially or very deeply. Hurts received in marriage are very painful. The wounds of betrayal, even with prayers and patience, are slow to heal. It is easy to give up and decided to be ‘on your own’. This is the root of divorce. Many married couples have divorced spiritually or emotionally but they still live together. They sleep in the same bed and take care of their children. But their love got sick and died long ago. You should know that the devil hates Christian marriages. He will fight with all his strength to destroy your home. These are some lessons to improve your marriage. To apply these Biblical principles you need to be born again and filled with the Holy Spirit.
Do not take your marriage for granted. Be very careful to avoid quarrels which cause division. Be sensitive when you sense that ‘the devil is in the room and the quarrel is coming’. The Holy Spirit will prepare your heart to sense that you need to keep quiet and still. Communication is like playing table tennis. Each partner feels like responding to the words of the other. Be careful: if the tone of voice becomes too high, the tendency to argue increases. Show self-restrain. Both love and self-control are fruits of the Holy Spirit. Talking is like driving a car. It is exciting to drive it full speed. It is fun to defend your opinions. But look at the Holy Ghost ‘traffic signs’. Keep below the speed limit. Learn to use your breaks. From time to time check your spiritual brakes, if the pads of patience are still functioning well and the oil of wisdom still intact. Quarrels between close friends, between husband and wife can end in disaster. You can wreck your marriage and it may not be possible to repair it on earth. Behave and speak in such a way that tomorrow, you do not need to apologize for your actions and words of today.
For me, apology is a friend and an enemy in the same time. For example, if my husband tells me that he is grieved by my actions or words, I apologize immediately. If I am not aware that he is wounded that is different. But if he tells me that I grieved him, the apology must come instantly from my heart. This is not the time to analyze my behavior. I know that he loves me. He prays for me. If he says I was wrong, then I am wrong. Period! Pain for me is a wonderful teacher. I do not waste it. I learn from everything, even from my ignorant mistakes. I apologize and promise to change. And I keep my word. I pray and trust God to change. I do not foolishly repeat the same mistake again and again taking for granted that the Holy Spirit will help us ‘to settle’. I always remember that love is a very delicate thing. A sudden electrical surge of one second can destroy a very expensive computer. Even so, a ‘little’ quarrel can damage trust and quench the spirit of love. So, I am very careful not to grieve the Holy Spirit! In Christ I declare that Jesus Christ is my first Lover! My husband is second lover! Then follow the children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and friends! I thank God for them all! This is my story! This is my song!
Child of God, when things are hard, when tears freely flow and nothing is able to stop them, when you make mistakes, when you are misunderstood, when friends fail and family withdraws… then remember that God is always faithful! “Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever!” (Heb 13: 8). He was betrayed by sinners but He loved to the end. Crawl into His loving arms and find peace. You may not have all the answers. You may not need to have all the deep revelations of conflict because God knows them all. He knows your heart. He knows that you love Him. He knows your weakness and strength. He knows each word even before it comes on your tongue. He loves you with an everlasting love. You are secure in knowing Jesus, your Savior, King and Best Friend. He died for you. He forgives you. He is still with you. Inside your heart, no matter what, you can rejoice always! Love is not easy. But love is still the best gift of God. Be jealous over your heart! Cherish it! Give thanks to God for everything! Praise the Lord!