“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Col 3:19)
In Greek, the word ‘harsh’ means to be bitter, sharp, like a nail piercing the soul. It means to be rough and unpleasant to touch, ugly, selfish, rude, unromantic, thoughtless, difficult to understand, stingy, stubborn and troublesome. Such a man makes impossible demands that stretch his wife’s patience to the limit. Another way to describe such a man is this: He likes to ‘rain on somebody’s parade’. In other words, he takes pleasure to spoil the plans and the pleasure of his wife. The best example in the Bible is Nabal, the husband of Abigail. He was ‘a man harsh and evil in his doings” (1Sam 25:3)
Like Abigail, the wife needs great courage, wisdom and sacrificial love to submit to such a man. She needs to be born again and Spirit filled to succeed in such a difficult marriage. What is impossible with men it is possible with God!
Let’s remind ourselves of the truth: Marriage is God’s gift to men. But it takes a lot of work to make it successful. Often it is a struggle and the home appears to be a battle field. There are many reasons why it is so hard, especially at the beginning. The husband and the wife, each comes from different backgrounds, each has different expectations. There is also the spiritual element. The devil hates marriages for they symbolize the union and the love between Christ and the church. To have a successful marriage is great achievement. If your Christianity does not work at home, then it is fake! The husband needs to learn to love his wife. This is not an easy thing. This love has a particular pattern, to be approved by God. It is the agape sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated on earth, especially on the Cross. It is said that Eros, the sexual love says: “I take and I take!” Phileo, the friendly love says ‘I give and I take!” But Agape love simply says: “I Give and I Give” even unto death!
A harsh husband will frustrate and provoke his wife until she collapses on the floor. He only wants to take and take. She has to give and give. Without the Spirit of God working in the wife, the marriage will surely end. I know women who suffer horrors in their homes. They do everything to make their husband happy but the men remain ungrateful to the end. They treat their wives as slaves, totally careless of their feelings. They order like soldiers, from morning until night. If the women are Christians, they endure the hardship knowing that God hates divorce. I am not talking about the harems of polygamous men. I am talking about church folks who from distance look successful and happy. But the truth is different at home. I do not respect any man who constantly makes his wife cry or who mocks her in public.
This is our testimony:
My husband and I, we decided from the beginning of our marriage, that we should never argue, mock or insult one another in public. When I say ‘public’ that means anywhere outside our bedroom. Our children have never seen us arguing. My in laws or my parents have never seen us mocking or insulting one another. Never! Even if I make a mistake, my husband will not correct me openly, if there is any other person around. The same thing with me! Whatever the situation, late at night, alone in the bedroom, we sit down and discuss our mistakes, apologize, forgive one another and learn from it all. We give each other a lot of ‘credit’. For example, if I make any ‘social mistake’ my husband will think like this: ‘it is not her fault. She is a foreigner. I have to teach her what to do in the future…’ If he makes mistakes, then I find myself thinking: ‘He is tired from work, too many people phone him asking for help; he too is human…’ This is love, not to be easily provoked, to have in mind that no one is perfect and that we must all answer to God for every word we speak and for every action we take. Under provocation, I just shut down. There is no need to quarrel, no matter the situation. A servant of God does not quarrel. Period! Long ago, by faith in Christ, I have been delivered from the demon of quarrel and I am now free! Quarrels can only add reasons for regret and fuel to crisis. No matter the provocation, I refuse to lose my temper! I chose to hold on to my peace! I take the chance to be seen as a fool. That is much better than to increase my voice and become red with anger. It is not worth it! My testimony as a woman of God is too precious to me to lose it for a minute of foolish arguments. I always look ahead and not just at the present. My future is dear to me and I will not wound it with strife that has no winner. Even in the midst of crisis, if I remain calm, the Holy Spirit teaches me many lessons. Later, when things calm down, I can share them with others. These are diamonds I found in the fire of affliction and none can take them away from me. If I lose my temper, I will find nothing except dust and ashes. I hate that! The following scripture has been one of my spiritual pillars as a wife, mother and pastor. Please mediate on it:
“A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people” (2Tim 2:24)
Just in case you ask: ‘Is it possible to live this life without bitter quarrels?’ Is it possible to live in love? Is possible to maintain a pure testimony as a servant of God? Is it possible to be a successful wife living with an impossible husband? The answer is YES! It takes prayer, patience and faith! But by the grace of God and by the power of the Holy Ghost it is possible! Be filled with the Spirit and see what I mean!
In Christ I declare:
I am a child of God!
I am a servant of God!
I refuse to quarrel!
The Spirit in me is greater than the one in the world!
My life and my marriage are successful!
To the glory of God!
In Jesus name
Amen! .
Green Pastures 
I just wanted to say what a blessing to receive these devotions from you. I feel that they’re actually revelations God is sending me. The one on Give and Give blew my mind. I had such a loving attentive humble christian husband of 21 year marriage, who a year and a half ago went from that to a boastful arrogant entitled non loving bitter man. He went from telling me he was not happy to I don’t love you that way anymore to taking his ring off saying I’m done with this marriage. Talk about my heart literally hurting. He works in the oilfield and is away all week but continues to come home on the weekends. I’ve not pushed because one of the last times I asked for him to give our marriage another chance he replied, I’ve already told you I’m done with this marriage. He still pays all the bills and I give God all the honor and glory for that. I still do all my wifely duties. He still lays on our bed when he wants intimacy (which has become just an act) and the rest of the nights he sleeps on the couch. He used to call me even twice a week and still text me even just to say good morning. He has stopped. I decided to stand on my faith for our marriage but I will not lie, I have my moments of weakness where I just want to throw in the towel and then I hear God telling me be still and know that I’m God. I am in control. Just trust me. We live close to the Mexican border and his family has a background of witchcraft. Going to taretcard readers and like my mother in law says we must do something to bring him back because that’s not my son. She feels some one has had a “job” done to him. I’ve told her God is in control. I’ve been praying and fasting and I’ve broken generational cursings and I find myself casting out demonic spirits and oppressions specially on the weekends. I anoint and saturate my home with the blood of Christ everyday and even more so Fridays. I feel tired more now spiritually emotionally & physically. I love my husband and I’ve again put him at the foot of the cross. Our God is greater than anyone and anything!
I thank you for your ministry and pray for Gods blessings to be upon you and your family. I too have started taking a class to be a certified minister. Please pray for all prodigal sons and daughters. I will continue to pray for you and your ministry. Again thank you!
With sisterly love
Lori Cooper
KingsWay Church Secretary
Dear Lori,
Thank you for your letter. I understand all you say. I have been there, exactly the same spot. God came down from heaven and changed my marriage. God will do the same to you. If I did not walk that path, I could have been intimidated by your pain. But I am not. I sense hope rising in my soul even as I write these words to you. The mistake you have made is that somehow in the past you have believed a lie. That became a foothold for the devil. From there, the devil calls for reinforcements and sends fresh arrows to you. These words coming from your husband’s mouth: “I don’t love you! I don’t want to marry you!”…these are 100% lies. He is not the one talking. The demons in him take control of his mouth and speak thru him. You are supposed to queitly but firmly reject all these words. Lift up the shield of faith and quench these arrows. Pray and surround your husband with agape love. Let that be your wall of fire. The devil will not be able to supply fresh bullets (new lies). He will use his ‘gun’ and shoot on and on until the bullets are finished. You shall see his disappointed face after the last bullet will be out of his mouth. he will not be able to lie again. The only option will be to go back to God and speak the truth: “I love Jesus! I love you my wife!”
God is using this fire to train you, to mature as a servant of God. At last, you shall be grateful for all the pain and all.
Keep in touch please…
God bless you, love in Christ alone,
Lia.
Dear Sister Lori, I shared your testimony on my facebook wall (without writing your name). These are some comments for your encouragement:
Joy C. Okaka Anopu-Ayaya: Wowww! I’m gonna start from your reply mama Lia. that was a great answer and that’s my heart too. my dear sister, keep on holding your faith, He’s in charge and He has said ‘Be still…’. I’m with u in prayers! PEACE BE STILL!
Sylvia Tuoyo Anderson: Lord help your daughter and others like her i n the same road. Help her to hear voice louder than the voice of the enemy, and let your light shine to penetrate through the darkness in her life, and at the end she will testify of your power. In Jesus name Amen.
Jemine Leigh Oakes: I’m praying for the lady… For a miracle and testimony that will encourage other wives. I pray god strength that she will hold on to faith and not listen to the lies of the devil. Lastly I pray that the latter part of her marriage will be even better than the past! She has the victory.
Ngozi Ibeji: May God love and healing be upon your marriage, May God deliver your husband from every witchcraft attack in Jesus name. God will restore your marriage and renew his love on your marriage again.
Amaka Azonubi: My dear sister, hold on to Love for Love never fails, for all His promises to all that believes are yes and amen in Christ Jesus! Hold on to the one that has loved you with an everlasting love! May God Almighty deliver your husband from every spare of witchcraft operation in Jesus Name Amen. God bless you.
Ibraimoh Oladimeji: God will surely deliver ur husband from every satanic oppression n manipulation and in returns HE will add the sweetest wine of love to your marriage in JESUS NAME AMEN.
You brought tears of joy to my heart. Thank you! I want my story to be shared because when it’s all been said and done, our God will receive all the honor and glory. I started the morning crying due to this fishing tournament he and I would always participate in and this year although he came home he has not been home home. He got home at 1am and left early this morning to attend that fishing tournament. Hasn’t spoken one word to me. But I got on my knees and praised God in the midst of my pain. He is so faithful, I felt His peace and strength shortly after. I am in prayer and will not give in or give up. I will keep you posted. God had been asking me to journal everything but due to my emotional stage I hadn’t but I am now. Praying for you my sister in Christ. Thank you again
In Christ love
Lori Cooper
Dear Sister Lori,
Praise God! I already see an improvement in your spirit, your attitude. That is a sign that God is working. And God never fails. My husband and I with some couples from our church, we went on a two weeks cruise vacation. You can read my Travel Diary if you want. Take it as a point of contact that you and your husband shall one day come along. I will also send you some of the comments posted for your letter. Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might! Love you from afar, but in Christ, so near…
Lia Leigh.
Dear Lori, These are some comments from my Facebook wall for you:
Joy C. Okaka Anopu-Ayaya wowww! I’m gonna start from your reply mama Lia. that was a great answer and that’s my heart too. my dear sister, keep on holding your faith, He’s in charge and He has said ‘Be still…’. I’m with u in prayers! PEACE BE STILL!
Sylvia Tuoyo Anderson Lord help your daughter and others like her i n the same road. Help her to hear voice louder than the voice of the enemy, and let your light shine to penetrate through the darkness in her life, and at the end she will testify of your power. In Jesus name Amen.
Jemine Leigh Oakes I’m praying for the lady… For a miracle and testimony that will encourage other wives. I pray god strength that she will hold on to faith and not listen to the lies of the devil. Lastly I pray that the latter part of her marriage will be even better than the past! She has the victory.
Ngozi Ibeji May God love and healing be upon your marriage, May God deliver your husband from every witchcraft attact in Jesus name. God will restore your marriage and renew his love on your marriage again.
Amaka Azonubi My dear sister, hold on to Love for Love never fails, for all His promises to all that believes are yes and amen in Christ Jesus! Hold on to the one that has loved you with an everlasting love! may God almighty deliver your husband from every spare of witchcraft operation in Jesus Name Amen. God bless you.
Ibraimoh Oladimeji God will surely deliver ur husband from evri satanic oppresion n manipulation and in returns HE will add the sweetest wine of love to ur marriage in JESUS NAME AMEN