Nagging means to always find fault, to criticize, or to complain. It is to irritate another by constant urging him to do something. Nagging is persistent persuasion, more repetitive than aggressive. It is emotional harassment! It is a very common sin manifested in families. Nagging is an effective weapon the devil uses to tempt the Christians to backslide. Beware of its existence and power. How can you tell you might be nagging? If you’ve said the same thing 100 times, 100 different ways, and yet it doesn’t seem to be enough, that is nagging. Often those who nag are stubborn. They fight hard and strong, quick to voice their opinions. They have a strong need to be heard. They sincerely believe that their words are somehow benefiting the other person. Most people who nag don’t even realize they’re doing it. They think they are just trying to help others.

Nagging is a negative and controlling behavior and is a common sin in many marriages. For example, a nagging wife feels helpless; she wants her husband to stop smoking. She has a strong desire to control him. She behaves as if she is his mother. She is over-concerned with her husband’s behavior. She forgets that only God can change a man. Constant nagging can make the husband withdraw emotionally from her. The truth is that most women don’t like to nag unless they feel overwhelmed, unheard, overworked or being taken for granted. Nagging is not only a weakness of the women. Research has found that an equal number of men and women nag. For example, the nagging wife falsely assumes that she can change her husband’s behavior. She can say to him: ‘you don’t give me enough attention, or money. You don’t care about the children…’ The husband may say: ‘the house is always dirty. You always look unkept …’ They both forget that only God can truly change another’s heart. Most of the time, the wives nag because they feel ignored and not appreciated. Men nag because they are frustrated with their finances and businesses. They come home tired, become impatient with their wives and nag them.

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” (PV 21:19; NIV). How does a wife become a nagging woman? During the period of dating, the wife seems nice and helpful. But something happened to her. Little by little, she becomes angry and starts losing her temper. She may apologize later but the episode repeats itself. She is trying to get his attention to solve a problem. If she is ignored, it becomes worse. The best thing a husband can do is to talk to her and give her his attention. Help her solve her problem. The earlier the better. Never disrespect her! Try to solve her problem with patience, love, and wisdom. “A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof” (PV 19:13; NIV). The wife says: ‘you don’t love me’. This nagging plus tears is an effective weapon with men. Men do not like to see crying women around them. (For example, Samson’s wife and his lover, Delilah, both conquered him with nagging and tears!) “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; 16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand” (PV 27:15,16). The weapon of nagging is a worldly weapon. Don’t use it! A mature marriage is free from nagging. Selah!

Nagging may also be a product of ungratefulness. A wife may never be satisfied with what the husband provides for her. Even if he helps with the house chores, washes her car, takes the family on vacations, she is never happy with him. She continues to nag him. A husband is never satisfied with his wife. No matter how much she takes care of the children, cleans the house, tries to keep herself fashionable, helps with the finances, he is never happy. He continues to nag her. This nagging may work in some offices. The boss nags his employees so that they work better. But nagging never helps families. Often, these homes are wrecked by the shameful sin of nagging! Nagging is unpleasant for both the wife and the husband! It tends to wear them down instead of building them up. It is spiritual poison to marriages and families. It’s a sin against love and indicates trouble in the relationship. It is more common than adultery as a reason for divorce. Selah!

Many parents struggle greatly with nagging their kids. Nagging can develop an inferiority complex in the child, and they may carry that into their adult lives. Nagging focuses on what a person is NOT DOING! It has a negative focus. It overlooks the positive. Nagging points out all the things that are wrong with the child and implies that he (or she) is not worthy because he has not done certain tasks. The child may feel angry towards the parent for nagging, which may result in drawing back emotionally. After some time, the child simply stops listening. The more you nag, the less he will hear you. Also, children are naturally born naggers. They too nag their parents to have their way!

The primary effect of nagging is resentment on both sides of the relationship. Resentment is a buildup of negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and disappointment. Resentment is a chronic, strong and painful feeling of bitterness when one has offended you. Resentment lasts for years. It is like the strong roots of a tree, very hard to uproot. It doesn’t have actual physical weight, but it feels very heavy on your soul. The nagger feels resentment for “always having to” nag the other person to “get everything done.” The person being nagged feels resentment for never being left alone to do as he sees fit. The person who nags never feels that the other person takes responsibility, but he never gives him responsibility. Meanwhile the person being nagged never feels truly independent, because he is never being given the chance to act independently and responsibly. It is a vicious circle. Forgiveness for Christ’ sake is the only way to be free from resentment.

Nagging is twin to grumbling. It affects prayers. Jesus said: “And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words” (Matt 6:7). A religious unbeliever thinks that God needs persuasion to answer. He tells himself: ‘if I pray 5 prayers, God may ignore me. But if I pray 100 prayers, God will answer me’. For them, prayer is manipulation. They think that God does not understand. Therefore, they need to mechanically repeat the prayer, nagging God! They clearly do not know God!

How to stop nagging? Nagging is sin. It destroys the peace, love and romance in a marriage. Repent! Be filled with the Holy Spirit. Learn to listen to yourself. Control your emotions and your tongue. Pray before you talk. Choose the right words, the right tone, the right time, and the right attitude. Do not repeat a complaint more than 2 times. This is wisdom: accept things that you cannot change. Be an encourager!