“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (1Pet 3:7)

The following are some medical facts about the difference between the male and female brain. Doctors still argue about these findings and research is going on. But this is the truth: men and women think in different ways; they have different strategies in dealing with challenges of life in general and marriage in particular. The way their brain is ‘wired’ is different. This scientific information applies to the natural man. A child of God changes under the influence of the Holy Spirit. He develops the mind of Christ, which is the ideal human way of thinking. In Christ there is no male or female. Also, we should remember that each human being is unique and cannot be put in a box. That is why the following facts are to be viewed just as general guidelines.

The male brain works in such a way that men focus on one task at a time. They persevere to the end in that one project without getting tired or bored. They are able to reject all distractions until they succeed. Men think faster and are less emotional. Men are able to separate their thinking in different compartments without mixing them together. For example a man can cheat in the office and go home and be romantic to his wife without feeling guilty about his illegal activity in the morning. The level of testosterone (the male hormone) is at least ten times higher than in the women’s blood. That makes men more ‘sexy’ and more aggressive. They are led by what they see. For a man blindness is worse than death. They are physically stronger and desire to be in charge. They like to compete and win.

The women like to do more things in the same time. They tend to link everything together. They get easily bored with doing only one thing. They are more distracted by other factors and have more difficulty in staying focused. Because of this weakness, they start many things but finish few. Women are more emotional. They weep easier.

Women like to mix things, to connect information and see the bigger picture. They also value relationships. If a woman is offended in the morning, it will take her much longer to recover. For women, sex is not just ‘a thing’. They need a story, an atmosphere, a feeling of love. They are more emotional than men. They give up a battle easier and readily start new things. Women like to feel thins deeper than men. They are lead less by what they see and more by feelings or by a combination of factors.

These facts are just to remind ourselves that there are differences between the natural men and women. To the men, the women seem slow, foolish, forgetful and not practical enough to cope with the stress of life. For example, most men I counsel in my office do not trust their wives financially. They refuse to trust their advice when it comes to financial investment. A husband can give his wife money for house allowance and even generous gifts but he does not trust her as a business partner. He doesn’t want ‘to bother her’ with making money. That is a common explanation I hear from the married men.

The women’s weakness the Bible talks about is not spiritual. For in Christ there is no difference between male and female. If they are saved, both the husband and the wife are co-heirs with Christ. There is no male Holy Spirit or female Holy Spirit. But the weakness is physical and it comes from the way God created the female body. The husbands are commanded to be considerate with their wives, to understand the way God created them.

A wife is a helper to her husband. That is God’s decree for marriage. A helper is someone who aids another at his point of weakness, to make him stronger. A good wife knows the weakness of her husband and gives the right support, at the right time and at that particular point. This support is mostly spiritual, thru prayer and counsel. The godly wife prays to find the weakness of her husband and after that she prays more for strength to be supplied at that point of need. She encourages him to fulfill his destiny as a man of God. But marriage is not just ‘one way traffic’. The husband too has to identify the weakness of his wife. He should not insult or mock her for being weak. He should not desire to change her to be like him. A woman can never be a man. He needs to love her with her weakness, like Christ loves the church and to be considerate with her.

To be considerate it means to be kind; to think and feel the feelings of another. Because we are so selfish, it is not easy to practice godly consideration. The husband is to be careful not to hurt his wife thru ignorance or negligence. Any hurt in marriage is very difficult to heal.  To be considerate means to be accommodating, patient, mature and flexible with her until she finds her needed strength from God along the way. A wife values her husband’s godly consideration very much and finds it to be very attractive.

There is a famous movie called ‘My fair Lady’. A middle aged bachelor man tried to change a poor ‘ghetto’ girl into a princess. He changed her accent and thought her the good manners of high society. It was not easy for the girl to change. But because she started loving him she cooperated with his impossible demands. He often complains that she is too weak and foolish ‘just like a woman’. He says: ‘Why is the woman not made like a man?’ Finally she was ready. Dressed beautifully she goes to the queen’s ball and nobody knows that she was once just a street girl. The experiment was very successful. He now wants to dispose of her, sending her back to the streets from where she came from. He could not believe that she loves him. He will hurt her with wicked words and when she weeps, he is surprised at her tears. He does not understand her at all. All this time he looked at her as an object without a soul, who cannot have any feelings. This is how the unbelieving men think about women. Then a miracle happens and, for the first time he sees her heart. He now becomes considerate, free to love her, to appreciate her weakness and all.

This is our testimony:

My husband and I we are very different in many things. But the unity of the Spirit is strong in our marriage. The grace of God manifest in this: where I am weak, my husband is strong. And where he is weak, I am strong. In this way we can ‘balance’ our spiritual and emotional resources to make great progress with very little effort. We do not compete but we compliment. Over the years God has helped us that together, thru wisdom and love we are much stronger. ‘We put to flight ten thousand’. Our marriage works as a perfect heavenly designed machine oiled by the Holy Spirit. To the glory of God, for many years we have not been in a situation where both of us are weak in the same time and concerning the same matter. That could have been terrible and a great shame. One’s mistake became the platform for the other’s victory. And then, with tears of joy in our eyes, the shout of the King in our mouths and holding hands, we share in the trophy together! This is the secret of the un-interrupted flow of prayer and praise in our home! This is the reason why the heavens remain open over our marriage! All glory to God! Be encouraged for God is the Master of the game called ‘success in life’!

In Christ I declare:

My marriage is successful!

As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord!

In Jesus name

Amen!