ALONE WITH GOD

 

“The heart knows its own bitterness and joy; he will not share these with a stranger” (PV 14:10)

 

Today is exactly seven weeks since I fell and broke my ankle. Since then I have to stay indoors and walk with crutches. It is not easy. But The Holy Spirit comforts me. My husband is displaying an excellent spirit. He is cooking and bringing the food to me. He is also trying so much to encourage me. People send me messages of good will and prayers. This situation is nobody’s fault. God allowed it. It is for His glory and for my good! I have to pass the test of fire for ministry. I am not looking back. I push forward towards the light…

This is the challenge: I have to battle with many new and ‘strange’ emotions. It is a spiritual battle. I am grateful for it. I know that God is with me and I shall pass this test of faith. I shall come out not just as a survivor but as a champion. I already perceive the fragrance of victory. I do not deceive myself. I do not withdraw from the battle. I do not complain. I am real and I want to feel these emotions. As I am passing thru fire I want to feel the heat. It will help me to know God more. It will help me to understand myself better. The end is better than the beginning. Praise the Lord!

 

One of the emotions I have to conquer is loneliness. Before now, I was not a lonely person. I love taking care of my husband. I am a pastor of a big church.  I am busy with the work of God. I have many spiritual children and friends here. I was not lonely. But now, just like my leg is wrapped in a cast, I sometimes feel like a prisoner. Loneliness causes restlessness, depression and anxiety. Suffering produces confusion in the heart. Sickness isolates you from the healthy people. Emotionally it is like a roller coaster…

 

In this scripture you see that both bitterness and joy cannot be shared with strangers. In Hebrew, bitterness means, anger, frustration and provocation. Joy means the pleasure of life. A spiritual stranger is any other person and in particular, an unbeliever. This scripture says that in your deepest heart, you are alone. There is a limit in which another human being can understand you. The believers understand you better. But the unbelievers have no idea of what you pass thru in your heart. I am sure that you understand… There are times when you want to explain yourself but your words sound empty. If you talk too much, you may sound defensive, selfish, lazy, proud, rude or foolish. Then you chose to be silent. But you cannot keep quiet forever… And the pain continues…

 

What can you do? God created us in such a way that the only truest friend is the Holy Spirit. Human beings may encourage you. But they do not understand you the way God understands for He is your Maker. While on earth, Jesus was lonely and He understands you perfectly. God loves you more than you will ever know. This loneliness is not an enemy. It is a friend in disguise designed to make you draw closer to God. In His presence there is fullness of joy. He alone knows your heart with its anxieties and joys. So, lonely people, receive the supernatural encouragement of the Holy Spirit! You do not need money! All you need is faith! Be filled with the Spirit of God!

 

This is my testimony: During this season in my life I have gained a new understanding about the challenges the singles pass thru, as they pray for a life partner. God said: It is not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18). He also said that you should pity the man who falls and has no friend to lift him up (Ecc 4:9, 10).  In the past I was too comfortable to sympathize with the lonely. But now I feel for you, dear single people.  I recognize the deep work for the Holy Spirit in me. This work is so necessary for ministry, to encourage others, especially the lonely people out there. So you see that the pain is already producing holy gain in me. The Holy Spirit has enlarged my heart to be able to love more, to feel more. My prayers are now more present. My worship is more tender.  My words are more gentle. My anointing is stronger. This is a miracle in my heart no money can buy…

 

“Thank You Lord Jesus! Receive all the praise and adoration. For only You can touch my heart like this. You change me to be like You… I know that You are real for You are real to me. My knees touch the ground. My tears wash my makeup. I weep for joy…I feel at peace with myself. It is well with my soul. I will worship You forever. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!”

boy alone

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