“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (PV 31:10-12)
This is our testimony: My husband and I are married for 43 years. All glory to God! One of our greatest achievements is trust in God and in one another. It is easier to trust in God. It is much more difficult to trust in one another. A good marriage foundation is made of hard work. Work comes first. Pleasure is the fruit. Successful marriage is one of the greatest blessings given to men on earth. For both marriage and ministry we need trust!
“Who is she coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? (SS 8:5). Trust to a relationship is like oxygen to the body. Without trust the relationship will suffocate and die. Here we see this couple coming out from the wilderness. The wilderness is a place of death. There is no water, no flowers and no colors. It stands for the world which is full of trials and temptations. This couple has endured many things in the desert. But they stayed together and they are coming out of it together. The Bride is ‘leaning’ upon her Beloved! This is a position of trust. The Lover is stronger than her. She needs his help. She trusts him to help her. They walk together, trusting each other. The wilderness experience was difficult and painful but it failed to separate the two of them. Divorce died in the heat of the desert of life. They are still together carrying a testimony of loving trust and resurrection power. Trust is a fighter and a survivor! Trust in God and in one another is not easy to achieve. But it is vital for the success of any relationship. Trust is defined as the unquestioning reliance on the character and strength of another. It is the confident expectation of hope; the assurance that the future of the relationship will be better than the present. Trust gives a feeling of security. Trust is built having faith in the Word of God and from past experiences you had together. When you trust your husband you believe that he will be sexually faithful in the marriage, understand your deepest needs and help you fulfil them. That is why mature trust is always connected with deep understanding and with total satisfaction at all levels, spiritual and physical. Trust is a royal crown to a successful marriage.
Once trust is broken, it is very hard to regain. Trust must be earned. It takes hard work and patience to re-build trust. The first reason for broken trust is money. You both need to build trust in the way you handle finances. If you cannot trust your spouse with your money, you will not be able to trust him (or her) with other things. The second reason is adultery. The opposite of trust is anxiety and doubt. These feelings appear when you think that your spouse exploits you and does not have your best interests at heart. How do you build trust? By first of all putting all your trust in God and His Word! Out of that faith you can invest your trust in one another. To build trust you need good communication and understanding. Learn how to say ‘yes’ and how to say ‘no’. Do not always say ‘yes’ just to avoid arguments. Be true to your conscience, your feelings and desires. Share your vision for life with your husband. Do not sacrifice your dreams for the sake of ‘peace’. You need to listen to the other’s perspective. Put yourself in ‘his shoes’. Try to understand his fears and pains. Help the other in his weaknesses. The desire to help will build trust. Pray that your marriage will grow, spiritually and emotionally. A stagnant relationship becomes a place where the weeds of doubt will grow. Building your marriage together creates excitement and trust. Try to do something new together, travel together; serve God together! Make new memories together. Have new things to talk about. Don’t overstretch the relationship. Do not provoke one another to jealousy. Don’t keep secrets. Be open and vulnerable with each other. Keeping secrets takes a lot of energy and destroys trust. If you are secretive you will become tired and sad. Be gentle and wise with each other. Each one has a different level of maturity. There are seasons in each relationship. Keep your eyes on Jesus as you grow together! Finally, remember that these are just guidelines. Building loving trust takes a life time. Trust is risky but very rewarding! May God help you to build a happy home! In Jesus’ name, amen!