My husband and I are married for almost 44 years. From the wisdom of the Word of God and from my personal testimony, I share these notes with you. Read them, meditate on them. Come back with a fresh testimony of higher grace!
“An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars” (PV 18:19). If your true friend betrays you, the friendship is mortally wounded. Love becomes like a beggar, a fugitive on the streets of unfulfilled dreams. The broken heart will look for the home where it grew up but now, the gate is closed, the password forgotten. The split, the divorce will grow to become a monster, bold and loud, rude and wicked, too hard for mercy to conquer. A once close friend, when injured or deceived, becomes a potent and irreconcilable enemy. These are some sayings from wise men of old: ‘bitter are the quarrels of friends; those who love beyond measure will also hate beyond measure; deep friendship once injured is forever lost’. Jesus said that it is better to cut off hand or foot and even pluck your eye than to offend, to injure or to betray ‘a little’ child of God (Mt 18:6-9). God always defends His wounded child!
Do not take your marriage for granted. Be very careful to avoid quarrels which cause division. Be sensitive when you sense that ‘the devil is in the room and the quarrel is coming’. The Holy Spirit will prepare your heart to sense that you need to keep quiet and to stand still. Communication is like playing table tennis. Each partner feels like responding to the words of the other. Be careful: if the tone of your voice becomes too high, the tendency to argue increases. Show self-restrain. Both love and self-control are fruits of the Holy Spirit. Talking is like driving a car. It is exciting to drive it full speed. It is ‘fun’ to defend your opinions. But look at the Holy Ghost ‘traffic signs’. Keep below ‘the speed limit’. Learn to use your spiritual ‘breaks’. From time to time check if the ‘breaking pads’ of patience are still functioning well and ‘the oil of wisdom’ still intact. Quarrels between close friends, between husband and wife can quickly end in disaster. You can wreck your relationship and it may not be possible to repair it on earth. Behave and speak in such a way that tomorrow, you do not need to apologize for your actions and your words of today. Live like there is a tomorrow!
My husband and I have learned to show self-restrain in times of crisis. It is only thru the power of the Holy Ghost!
For me, apology is a friend and an enemy in the same time. For example, if my husband tells me that he is grieved by my actions or words, I apologize immediately. If I am not aware that he is wounded that is different. But if he tells me that I grieved him, the apology must come instantly from my heart. This is not the time to analyze my behavior. I know that he loves me. He prays for me. If he says I was wrong, then I am wrong. Period! Pain for me is a wonderful teacher. I do not waste it. I learn from everything, even from my ignorant mistakes. I apologize and promise to change. And I keep my word. I pray and trust God to change. I do not foolishly repeat the same mistake again and again taking for granted that the Holy Spirit will help us ‘to settle’. I always remember that love is a very delicate thing. A sudden electrical surge of one second can destroy a very expensive computer. Even so, a ‘little’ quarrel can damage trust and quench the spirit of love. So, I am very careful not to grieve the Holy Spirit! In Christ I declare that Jesus Christ is my first Lover! My husband is my second lover! Then follow the children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and friends! I thank God for them all! This is my story! This is my song!
Child of God, when things are hard, when tears freely flow and nothing is able to stop them, when you make mistakes, when you are misunderstood, when friends fail and family withdraws… then remember that God is always faithful! “Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever!” (Heb 13: 8). He was betrayed by sinners but He loved us to the end. Crawl into His loving arms and find peace. You may not have all the answers. You do not need to have all the deep revelations of conflict because God knows them all. He knows your heart. He knows that you love Him. He knows your weakness and your strength. He knows each word even before it comes on your tongue. He loves you with an everlasting love. You are secure in knowing Jesus, your Savior, King and Best Friend. He died for you. He forgives you. He is still with you inside your heart. No matter what, you can always rejoice! Love is not easy. But love is still the best gift of God. Be jealous over your heart! Cherish it! Finally, in all thinks give thanks!