“And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit was giving them utterance” (Ac 2:4)
I always thought of myself to be a strong person, creative, intelligent and optimistic. Thank God that the Holy Spirit humbled me so that he can blessed me. I became born again thru a crisis conversion. I was very happy! For some time I experienced what you call ‘the honey moon’ of Christianity. I thought thatI have arrived on top of the mountain of the world. I thought that I am stronger than the strongest. I thought that I can preach like Billy Graham and sing like Cece Winans… I became proud in my salvation. I did not understand the way of the Cross. Then the painful road of coming down the mountain of holy success started…
I started feeling my weaknesses… After I became saved, I became concerned that I do not have enough power to be like Jesus. I was weak in my spirit, in my mind, memory, imagination, feelings and will. I was weak in prayer and fasting. I struggled with the Word of God. It is true that I was much better than my neighbors and friends (or so I thought)… I had more zeal to serve God than them… But when I compared myself with Jesus, I was still falling short of His glory.. I cried to God for help… Then He told me that I have to be filled to overflow with the Holy Spirit… I wanted that but I was slow to ‘fulfill the conditions’ for such a power blessing. It took me many years before I could rest my soul in God’s embrace, at peace with His will and ways for me.
Then it happened…It is called the baptism of the Holy Spirit… I cannot describe that holy moment…I was at the backyard of our former house, seated on a small chair…nothing special in the surroundings… suddenly, I felt like rain falling inside my lungs, in my heart… I felt light and good and happy… I never drank alcohol in my life but I felt like drunk.. I felt free… depression peeled off me like an old rag… anxiety melted like butter in the hot pan…I was afraid to move so that I will not ‘disturb’ this rain of glory… nothing changed outside but my inside was flooded with light, peace and joy… If I died there, I did not mind at all… Power and clarity of vision came inside me…The assurance of my salvation was stamped on my soul… From that moment on, I was truly a new creation… not just saved, but saved to tell the story!
Since then, my ‘work’ is to maintain the filling given to me from above… since then I freely give to others, not from my ‘deposit’ but only from the Spirit overflow, from the excess-more-than- enough grace given to me, a nobody made royalty, hidden from the world but known to God… what else can I say than: ‘Lord Jesus, I am Yours and You are mine… From now and forever, I worship You!’