“Dear children, let us not love with only words but with actions and in truth” (1 Jn 3:18)
When my husband and I got married 44 years ago, the foundation of our marriage was love. Because we married as unbelievers, our relationship was based on an impure love mixed with lust, I might say. This is our testimony: when Christ saved our souls He also purified our marriage relationship. He changed our ‘polluted water-love’ into ‘ pure wine-love’. Praise the Lord!
As a pastor, I counsel many people who plan to marry, especially the women. I see more and more young (and not so young) people who plan to marry, not for love, not to fulfill their destinies, but for ‘business- like’ reasons. There is no romantic love as I used to know it. They marry to ‘settle’ in a marriage that has only financial or social gain. They call it love. But it is not. Many of them, even after their marriage, they continue to keep their single life style. They keep their former friends as close friends. The topic of their discussions does not change. It does not reflect their new position as married people. There is a terrible danger of marrying to have more money, to please friends or to impress the world. The devil is deceiving many people to misuse the gift of marriage for self promotion! How sad! A wrong foundation is an hindrance to the growth of love, to the maturity of the marriage relationship.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Gen 2:24, 25). Marriage is a gift from God. If you desire to marry, you must ‘leave’ your past relationships before you can ‘cleave’ to your marriage partner. This God ordained ‘cleaving’ is a covering so that in marriage, you do not feel ‘naked and ashamed’. If the husband or the wife are still closely connected to their natural family and former friends, they will feel ‘naked and ashamed’. They will feel an inferiority complex concerning their status as a married couple. They feel apologetic now that they are married. They shall lack the confidence of a romantic love and the holy boldness manifested in a godly mature marriage, as God designed it to be.
The question is this: what do you do if you discover that you got married for the wrong reasons? Divorce is not an option because ‘God hates divorce’ (Mal 2:16). You need a miracle from God! Your marriage needs the touch of the Living God. Your marriage needs to be ‘born again’. The Holy Spirit must change your marriage. Money and friends cannot fix it. You need a true new beginning! A new foundation must be laid! Christ must be that foundation! Adjustments must be made in line with the Word of God. These changes are painful but necessary. There must be a testimony based on prayers, repentance and restitution.
This is my counsel: Dear married couples: please pay the price to have a new, good, spiritual, sweet and successful, Bible based marriage! It is not easy but it is more than worth it! God bless you!