Victim mentality is a psychological term that refers to a type of dysfunctional mindset which seeks to feel persecuted in order to gain attention or avoid self-responsibility. People who struggle with the victim mentality are convinced that life is not only beyond their control but is out to deliberately hurt them. This belief results in constant blame, finger-pointing, and pity parties that are fueled by pessimism, fear, and anger. A victim is defined as anyone who experiences injury or loss as a result of some event or series of events. The desire for sympathy is crucial. The mere experience of a harmful event is not enough for the sense of being a victim. In order to have this sense, there is the need to perceive the harm as undeserved, unjust and immoral, an act that could not be prevented by the victim.
People like these see life in a negative way. They feel that they were harmed, that they could not prevent the harm, that because of what they suffered they deserve sympathy. They also believe that because they could not prevent the harm done in the past, they are powerless to change themselves at the present. Victim mentality is often the product of violence. Those who have it usually had an experience of crisis or trauma at its roots. The problem is that they did not process their pain in the right way. It’s a method of avoiding responsibility and criticism, receiving attention, compassion and evading feelings of genuine anger. A person with a victim mentality blames others for their misfortunes in life. They gain a little relief from receiving sympathy from others. That is why they always complain about their problems. They are afraid to take any risk. Because of that, they are not adventurous. They are unwilling to take even small risks. They are afraid to walk by faith. They prefer to stay in the comfort zone of their negativity. They seem too weak to change their feelings. They have a sense of helplessness, passivity, loss of control, pessimism, negative thinking, strong feelings of guilt, shame, self-blame and depression. There is a distrust of authority figures because of the expectation of being hurt or exploited by them. If you talk to these people, they give the impression that God does is as helpless as them, that He cannot answer prayers. Be careful! They use their needs as manipulation to exploit the feelings of others. They often say: “I can’t… I must… I have no choice… I don’t know …” If you desire to help them, you will see no improvement!
If you want to discover the truth, if you have this victim mentality, answer the following questions:
*Do you see your problems as catastrophes and blow them out of proportion; the world is a scary, mostly bad, place?
*Do you think others are purposely trying to hurt you?
*Do you keep reliving past painful memories that made you feel like a victim?
*Even when things go right, do you find something to complain about?
*Do you refuse to consider other perspectives when talking about your problems?
*Do you feel powerless and unable to cope effectively with a problem or life in general?
*Do you feel attacked when you’re given constructive criticism?
*Do you believe you’re not responsible for what happens in your life (blaming others)?
*Do you believe that everyone is “better off” than you?
*Do you seem to enjoy feeling sorry for yourself?
*Do you attract people like you (who complain, blame, and feel victimized by life)?
*Do you feel powerless to change your circumstances? Are you’re constantly putting yourself down thru inferiority complexes?
*Do you expect to gain sympathy from others, and when you don’t get it, you feel upset?
*Do you refuse to analyze yourself or improve your life?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, you may have a victim mentality!
What is the solution? First, give your life to Christ! Then be filled with the Holy Spirit! Forgive your enemies. Let the past and its pain go! Pray! Move on into the grace you have found in Christ!! Desire to experience a changed life, a changed heart. Trust God and His Word. Serve God in a good church. Overcome evil with the good you have found in Christ! Your life should not be defined by the past pain or hurt! Let the Holy Spirit design your life in a new way! Be a blessing to yourself and others! Live a life of thanksgiving! Worship the Lord!
“Change my heart, Oh, Lord! Make it ever new!
Change my heart, Oh, Lord! May I be like You!
You are the Potter! I am the clay!
Mold me and make me!
This is what I pray!”