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THE SIN AND WEAPON OF NAGGING

by Silvia Lia Leigh, MD

Nagging means to always find fault, to criticize, or to complain. It is to irritate another by constant urging him to do something. Nagging is persistent persuasion, more repetitive than aggressive. It is emotional harassment! It is a very common sin manifested in families. Nagging is an effective weapon the devil uses to tempt the Christians to backslide. Beware of its existence and power. How can you tell you might be nagging? If you’ve said the same thing 100 times, 100 different ways, and yet it doesn’t seem to be enough, that is nagging. Often those who nag are stubborn. They fight hard and strong, quick to voice their opinions. They have a strong need to be heard. They sincerely believe that their words are somehow benefiting the other person. Most people who nag don’t even realize they’re doing it. They think they are just trying to help others.

Nagging is a negative and controlling behavior and is a common sin in many marriages. For example, a nagging wife feels helpless; she wants her husband to stop smoking. She has a strong desire to control him. She behaves as if she is his mother. She is over-concerned with her husband’s behavior. She forgets that only God can change a man. Constant nagging can make the husband withdraw emotionally from her. The truth is that most women don’t like to nag unless they feel overwhelmed, unheard, overworked or being taken for granted. Nagging is not only a weakness of the women. Research has found that an equal number of men and women nag. For example, the nagging wife falsely assumes that she can change her husband’s behavior. She can say to him: ‘you don’t give me enough attention, or money. You don’t care about the children…’ The husband may say: ‘the house is always dirty. You always look unkept …’ They both forget that only God can truly change another’s heart. Most of the time, the wives nag because they feel ignored and not appreciated. Men nag because they are frustrated with their finances and businesses. They come home tired, become impatient with their wives and nag them.

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” (PV 21:19; NIV). How does a wife become a nagging woman? During the period of dating, the wife seems nice and helpful. But something happened to her. Little by little, she becomes angry and starts losing her temper. She may apologize later but the episode repeats itself. She is trying to get his attention to solve a problem. If she is ignored, it becomes worse. The best thing a husband can do is to talk to her and give her his attention. Help her solve her problem. The earlier the better. Never disrespect her! Try to solve her problem with patience, love, and wisdom. “A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof” (PV 19:13; NIV). The wife says: ‘you don’t love me’. This nagging plus tears is an effective weapon with men. Men do not like to see crying women around them. (For example, Samson’s wife and his lover, Delilah, both conquered him with nagging and tears!) “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; 16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand” (PV 27:15,16). The weapon of nagging is a worldly weapon. Don’t use it! A mature marriage is free from nagging. Selah!

Nagging may also be a product of ungratefulness. A wife may never be satisfied with what the husband provides for her. Even if he helps with the house chores, washes her car, takes the family on vacations, she is never happy with him. She continues to nag him. A husband is never satisfied with his wife. No matter how much she takes care of the children, cleans the house, tries to keep herself fashionable, helps with the finances, he is never happy. He continues to nag her. This nagging may work in some offices. The boss nags his employees so that they work better. But nagging never helps families. Often, these homes are wrecked by the shameful sin of nagging! Nagging is unpleasant for both the wife and the husband! It tends to wear them down instead of building them up. It is spiritual poison to marriages and families. It’s a sin against love and indicates trouble in the relationship. It is more common than adultery as a reason for divorce. Selah!

Many parents struggle greatly with nagging their kids. Nagging can develop an inferiority complex in the child, and they may carry that into their adult lives. Nagging focuses on what a person is NOT DOING! It has a negative focus. It overlooks the positive. Nagging points out all the things that are wrong with the child and implies that he (or she) is not worthy because he has not done certain tasks. The child may feel angry towards the parent for nagging, which may result in drawing back emotionally. After some time, the child simply stops listening. The more you nag, the less he will hear you. Also, children are naturally born naggers. They too nag their parents to have their way!

The primary effect of nagging is resentment on both sides of the relationship. Resentment is a buildup of negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and disappointment. Resentment is a chronic, strong and painful feeling of bitterness when one has offended you. Resentment lasts for years. It is like the strong roots of a tree, very hard to uproot. It doesn’t have actual physical weight, but it feels very heavy on your soul. The nagger feels resentment for “always having to” nag the other person to “get everything done.” The person being nagged feels resentment for never being left alone to do as he sees fit. The person who nags never feels that the other person takes responsibility, but he never gives him responsibility. Meanwhile the person being nagged never feels truly independent, because he is never being given the chance to act independently and responsibly. It is a vicious circle. Forgiveness for Christ’ sake is the only way to be free from resentment.

Nagging is twin to grumbling. It affects prayers. Jesus said: “And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words” (Matt 6:7). A religious unbeliever thinks that God needs persuasion to answer. He tells himself: ‘if I pray 5 prayers, God may ignore me. But if I pray 100 prayers, God will answer me’. For them, prayer is manipulation. They think that God does not understand. Therefore, they need to mechanically repeat the prayer, nagging God! They clearly do not know God!

How to stop nagging? Nagging is sin. It destroys the peace, love and romance in a marriage. Repent! Be filled with the Holy Spirit. Learn to listen to yourself. Control your emotions and your tongue. Pray before you talk. Choose the right words, the right tone, the right time, and the right attitude. Do not repeat a complaint more than 2 times. This is wisdom: accept things that you cannot change. Be an encourager!

DRIFTING AWAY FROM OUR FIRST LOVE

by Silvia Lia Leigh, MD

“Therefore, we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away. 2 For if the word spoken through angels proved steadfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just reward, 3 how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation, which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed to us by those who heard Him, 4 God also bearing witness both with signs and wonders, with various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit, according to His own will?” (Heb 2:1-4).

This is a reminder that we have an enemy who hates us. The devil wants you to be ignorant of God’s love for you! The real danger is that if we neglect so great a salvation, we will drift away from our first love. To Give heed it means to pay closer attention, to be cautious about, to be on guard, to beware of danger ahead, careful not to take unnecessary risks. It also means to listen and to follow!!! The command applies to the ears and to the feet. If we do not listen to God’s Word and ignore the leading of the Holy Spirit, we become spiritually lazy, or passive. From that position of weakness, the strong currents of the powers of darkness will carry us away from Christ’s love. It is like falling asleep in a boat that is not tied down to the shore. The river will eventually carry the boat away by its gentle currents. By the time we wake up, we see that we are in a different area we never planned to go before. The gentle river has now become fast and rough, and we wake up in a strange place of danger. To neglect it means to be careless, to fail to give attention or to respect the things that are your responsibility to keep and protect. Neglect is worse than ignoring. You can ignore to clean your house. That is not sinful. But child neglect is sinful. For a doctor to neglect his patients, that is criminal. To neglect God’s Word is like holding a treasure in your hand, but your fingers are not tight on it. The gold falls from your hand, and you are not aware that you have lost it. It means that you failed to value the revelation of God’s Word that you have received in the past! Because of your negligence, you are now becoming poorer. Neglecting the supernatural ministry of the Holy Spirit is a sign of drifting from your first love! Selah!

These are some of the common situations that can lead to the sin of neglect of God’s Word. These are like strong currents of a river:

*The anxiety of life, the cares of this world. They prevent God’s Word from taking roots and producing fruits in your spirit. “The cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things entering in choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful” (Mk 4:19). These produce weakness of the mind and of the body. You become spiritually weak and discouraged. As our Lord was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, drops of blood falling from His brow. But the disciples became so grieved that they fell asleep. “Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? 41 Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26:40,41). Medical science has proven that the brain shuts down during times of great stress. To watch and to pray takes a lot of energy. This spiritual warfare is done only by the power of the Holy Spirit. But if you ignore watching and praying, you will fall asleep spiritually and you will drift away from the safety of truth. Selah!

*Pleasures of life. It’s easy to forget God and His Love when you seek only for pleasures. To always look for fun is the world’s mentality. “The heart of the wise [learns when it] is in the house of mourning, But the heart of fools is [senseless] in the house of pleasure” (Ecc 7:4; AMP).  Seeking the pleasures of life can become an idol. “Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play” (1Cor 10:7). Seek God and His Kingdom! Let God chose what pleasures and the level of pleasures you may have in this life. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt 6:33).

*Overfamiliarity with God and the Bible. To be overfamiliar with someone means to be extremely close, or intimate. You feel that you know that person too well. You have seen him and heard him so many times that the person now becomes boring to you. Other similar words with overfamiliarity are ‘being bold, forward, presumptuous, or disrespectful’. To be overfamiliar with God is always a sin. Its root is pride and Presumption. Presumption means to take someone for granted, to jump to conclusions without knowing the whole truth. It means to disrespect. God punishes it. “The prophet who presumes to speak a word in My name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or who speaks in the name of other gods, that prophet shall die” (Deut 18:20). It is true that we are one with Christ. But we must still fear God! No one knows God totally. “Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; And His greatness is unsearchable” (Ps 145:3). Whatever we know about God is what God has revealed to us, in Christ, by the Holy Spirit. That is all! Love always honors the Lover!

*Getting older. As we grow older, we change. The body gets weaker. The mind starts forgetting things. People close to us die. We become lonely. The strength we had as young people is replaced by a gradual weakness of body and mind. The zeal to study God’s Word, to pray or to serve God is less. We feel we know everything, and we don’t need to learn new things. To love others requires too much sacrifice. We give up on ourselves. Reading the Bible, praying, attending church services becomes routine and boring. “Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor Him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore” (Ecc 12:1;NLT). Old men may experience apathy, a lack of mental energy, emotion, passion, or excitement. To some old people, Love becomes burdensome. This apathy may lead to depression and to drifting away from the truth. The cure is to come back to your First Love!!!

LOVE YOUR ENEMIES

by Silvia Lia Leigh, MD

Jesus commands the believers to love even the enemies. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matt 5:43-48).

These are the eternal words of our King. Jesus makes a clear difference between the way the Pharisees understood the law and the way the Law of God must be interpreted. The religious leaders said: “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy”. First, we must say that there is no place in the Old Testament where you find these exact words. The Pharisees invented that law. Possibly, they were inspired to say this because in the Old Testament, God commanded His people to kill the Canaanites and take over the Promised Land (Deut 20:16-18). Why did God say that? God is the owner of the whole world. He gave the Canaanites 400 years to repent of their sins. He told Abraham that the sins of the Amorites are not yet complete; their cup of wickedness is not yet full (Gen 15:13-16). God could have killed them with a plague. But God chose Isreal to kill the Canaanites and to take over their land.

Some of the Psalms have strong words to curse Isreal’s enemies. These are called ‘imprecatory’ Psalms. For example, read what David prayed to God about his enemies: “Let their table become a snare before them, and their well-being a trap. 23 Let their eyes be darkened, so that they do not see; And make their loins shake continually. 24 Pour out Your indignation upon them, and let Your wrathful anger take hold of them. 25 Let their dwelling place be desolate; Let no one live in their tents” (Ps 69:22-25). Reading these words, you can imagine why the Pharisees said that they should hate their enemies. But if you read these psalms, David prayed to God not because he was wicked, or because of selfish ambition, but he asked God to vindicate him when his enemies wanted to kill him. David refused to kill King Saul even when Saul was in his power. This psalm is not an invitation to personal hatred against human enemies. It is the appeal of an oppressed person that God should help him. David trusts God for justice and vindication. He wants the glory of God to be revealed in his life! Amen!

In the Book of Matthew, chapter 23, our Lord speaks curses upon the religious leaders, the hypocrites. Reading those lines is painful. The word ‘woe’ is a curse word, mixed with grief and sadness. The religious leaders did not know God. They mispresented God. They were proud and wicked. They led the people astray. Here we clearly see that God (Jesus) cares for the people, that they should know God. There is a greater condemnation upon the religious leaders and teachers of God’s Word who are considered shepherds to God’s flock! These are the very people who plotted the arrest and the death of the Son of God! Selah!

The Pharisees said that a Jew should love and help only another Jew. Every other person should be considered an enemy to be hated and even killed. The Jews hated all the Gentiles and called them ‘dogs’. The problem with their interpretation is that they did not understand the purpose of God’s Law. God commanded that the Canaanites should be killed as an act of divine justice. It was not because of personal hatred against them as individuals. But the Pharisees used God’s divine justice to apply it to their personal relationships with people. Any man they did not like, even if that man was a neighbor, they hated him. They justified their hatred, lack of love and wickedness by saying that it is God’s Law. Hatred of people is always wrong. You can hate the devil, sin and evil in evil men. But you should not hate people!!!

How can a Christian replace the sinful selfish hatred in his heart with the Love of God? Jesus commanded us to do three things: Bless, do good and pray for others! He commanded us to “bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”. You replace hatred with loving words. Love has a language. You bless people with your words. Saying to someone: “God bless you!” even when you don’t feel like it, is a powerful manifestation of Agape Love. Love is never rude. Love never curses a human being. Another way to show Love to others is by doing good to them. Righteousness means ‘be good and do good’ for Christ’ sake. You do good by greeting, shaking hands, hugging, helping others, and by giving gifts without waiting for appreciation from men. Doing good is a great form of evangelism. Many sinners came to Christ because Christians chose to help them especially in their time of need. Doing good never fails. Please examine your motives: You don’t do good because you want to convert the person. You don’t do good because you are religious, but because love is your nature as a child of God and a citizen of God’s Kingdom. You trust God to bless your ministry and life. No matter what people say to you, God blesses righteous deeds. Finally, choose to pray for people, even for those you dislike and persecute you. Prayer is a responsibility and a mighty blessing. The greatest example of prayer for the wicked was heard on the Cross. Jesus said: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Lk 23:34). When Steven was dying as a martyr, he prayed for the men who were stoning him. “Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep” (Ac 7:60). This is Agape Love praying! May prayer and worship never cease from our lips! Amen!

There is a great difference between loving and liking a person. To like someone is more natural. There are attitudes you observe in a person that connects with you. Love is different. Love is spiritual. You love because God loves you. You extend Love to others, even to the unlovely, because God loves you and He has saved your soul. Like is instant. It is effortless. Love is deep. It takes time and effort to develop. You may have to go to battle to win and protect love. When you like someone, you must agree with that one. His negative ideas may provoke you. But you can love someone unconditionally, even when you don’t totally agree with him. To like someone, you must stay close to that one. Love endures even if the person is far away. The closer you get to someone, the less you may like the person. But love, increases as you get closer to that person. You like only friends. You love both friends and enemies!

Please note: Only Agape love can love even the enemies. Why? This is because if you love someone, you see him thru the eyes of Christ. You see him the way God sees him. You know that he is a victim of the devil, and he is blind to God’s way of salvation. If Agape Love is in your heart, you can help another even if you dislike him. How do you do that? Treat another person like you like him, even if you don’t. Don’t complain again about your enemies. If you don’t have enemies, how can you love your enemies? The Law of Love is stronger than the law of sin, hatred and death. There is always grace available to treat others with kindness and love. They may not deserve kindness, but kindness is your attitude to all. You don’t pay evil with evil. You don’t react with evil when you are provoked. That is the way of the world. You don’t react. You chose to act. With wisdom, peace, love and respect.

Why do we need to behave well, to show love and kindness to all? It’s a visible proof that God is your father, and that you are a citizen of His Kingdom. God sends rain and sunshine to all men. It is not only the Christian farmer that enjoys rain on his field. That rain goes to the wicked too. We must treat others with respect, kindness and love because we are God’s children, Christ’ ambassadors and citizens of His Kingdom. Love is the atmosphere of the Kingdom of God. As God never fails, as love never fails, so the Christians who walk in love will never fail to fulfill God’s purposes for their lives. This love is the engine of revival in the church and outside the church! May God help us!

DO NOT BE TIRED IN DOING RIGHT

by Silvia Leigh
 “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Gal 6:7-10)
This is the law of God: *We are commanded to do good to all, especially to the believers! *We are commanded not to be tired in ministry! *We reap exactly what you saw! *We reap more than what we’ve sawed!
The devil uses people to deceive us. He will make them come and take advantage of the fact that we have no option to cheat, to lie and to manipulate.
We do not even have the luxury to be tired in doing good; to take a holiday and relax from obeying God. We cannot backslide successfully.
The devil infiltrates our ranks with false brethren who speak like us but do the opposite. They are planted to discourage the good work of God. They pretend that seeds of wickedness will become a harvest of prosperity, that plantation of evil will miraculously become the gain of fame and honor.
Please remember that we serve a God who sees all things. He knows all things! Our Father in Heaven cannot be deceived even if we, His children fall prey to wicked men.
Please, take courage! Remember: you are a child of God, your destiny is eternal life, your harvest is righteousness and your seal is the Spirit of Life and Peace!
May the strength of the Spirit be your portion today!
In Jesus name!
All to the glory of God!
Amen!