MARRIAGE IS A GOOD THING (26)
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment” (Matt 5:21, 22).
Anger is a natural emotion. Men are angry when they feel threatened or afraid that they lose control. It is very easy to become angry. Just let your hormones take over your brain and your mouth. It is not easy to control anger. It is done with much prayer and deliverance. But it can be done!
God is angry with a righteous anger. He is our example. Jesus too was angry with the Pharisees who took God’s name on vain. But He was not angry when people insulted Him directly. He trusted God the Father for vindication.
“God is a just judge and God is angry with the wicked every day” (Ps 7:11)
God commands us to be angry like Him. We are to be angry with the devil and not with people. We are to hate sin.
The first time the word sin appears in the Bible is connected with sinful anger. Cain was angry and jealous against his brother Abel. God rebukes him but he refuses to repent. Anger is the very sin that stopped Moses to enter the Promised Land. God tells him to speak to the Rock and water will flow out for the thirsty people. But Moses got provoked with the rebellious and in anger he strikes the Rock. God gives water to them but later, He tells Moses that for that sin of uncontrolled anger, he will not enter the land of Canaan. Jezebel was so angry with Elijah that she was ready to God’s prophet. Many wars could have been prevented if the leaders could control their sinful anger. Many relationships could have endured if not for sinful anger and the bitter words that killed the hearts.
A good anger was displayed by Phineas when he killed the rebellious couple for the glory of Jehovah. God rewards him for that act with a covenant of peace (Nu 25). This is a difficult passage but the Holy Spirit will lead you into the truth.
This is a very practical question: When is anger sinful? When does the anger cross the line and becomes a tool for the devil? Anger has done much damage to relationships in general and to marriage in particular. Let’s study the Word of God!
Anger is sinful when it is uncontrolled by the Holy Spirit! Anger is sinful when it is:
This type of passionate anger is called wrath. The passion is too much. The words spoken are too painful. Together with idolatry, witchcraft, adultery and selfish ambition these outbursts of wrath are a manifestation of the sinful flesh (Gal 5:19-21). Those who habitually practice these sins are not born again. The devil entered Cain because of unrepentant anger and so, he killed his brother.
When you sense another personality taking over your emotions and your mouth, when you say words that sound strange even to you, when you feel like fighting, when you wish another dead, then you have crossed the line. Stop it! Leave the scene! Pray in tongues for peace to come back to your soul!
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (Jam 1:19, 20). Anger should not be your first choice to answer in a provocation. You should remain calm, praying in your spirit that God will give you a good word of peace with your enemy. The children of God are peacemakers and not quick tempered wild angry men. Anger lives inside fools.
“Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools” (Ecc 7:9). The word ‘resides’ also means to settle down, to rest inside, to give comfort. Sinful anger is the tenant and the friend of a fool.
Be angry, and do not sin! Do not let the sun go down on your wrath nor give place to the devil” (Eph 4:26, 27)
This is such a simple advice: Do not go to sleep with your anger steal boiling. That will be the sleep of death. It will injure you and your marriage. God gives more than enough grace to settle disputes before 12 mid night. Be the first to say “I am sorry!” The earlier you apologies, the better! Marriage is a fragile gift, it is like glass! It can break into many pieces and no man can repair it! Do not just pretend that all is alright but as a criminal, your heart filled with silent bitter grudges and plans of vengeance. Settle with your enemy quickly if not it will be worse!
When anger becomes part of you, when it becomes your life style, then it is sinful. I know many wives who live in terror of their husbands. I know children whose only memories about their fathers is violence and intimidation. When you are known as a bully, when people avoid you because of your temper, then you have crossed the line. No matter the reasons for such anger, even if you think that you are justified in it, it is still sinful. People will avoid you. Punishment and destruction will be your portion.
“He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy” (PV 29:1)
“Make no friendship with an angry man,
And with a furious man do not go,
Lest you learn his ways
And set a snare for your soul” (PV 22:24, 25)
Jesus says that an angry man is a criminal at heart. Do not make friends with an unrepentant angry person! Do not marry a hot tempered man of a bitter woman! That is a snare of the devil! Anger is not a sign of strength but a serious weakness of character. I counsel young people who plan to marry and I hear this often: ‘he is a good man but he loses his temper sometimes…’ That is a signal to stop the plans and still pray. It is like you want to marry a tiger. Even if he is not hungry always, one day he cannot control his instinct and he will swallow you alive! Some tell me: “I like to speak out my feelings. After that I forget about it. My anger is hot but it does not stay long with me…” To shoot somebody you need just s second. After that, you will have a life time of regret. Words spoken in anger are like daggers. They wound and kill.
Take this advice from me: Just the way you cannot marry an adulterous person, do not marry a hot tempered one! Do I hear an ‘AMEN’?
In Christ I declare:
I repent of any sinful anger that was too hot, too quick; too long or practiced too often!
I divorce the demon of anger!
I separate myself from any unrepentant angry person!
I plead the Blood of Jesus over my angry spouse!
Let the Blood of Jesus speak peace into my marriage!
The Holy Spirit has taken control!
In Jesus name