DEFEATING THE FEAR OF COMMITMENT

“There is no fear in love [dread does not exist]. But perfect (complete, full-grown) love drives out fear, because fear involves [the expectation of divine] punishment, so the one who is afraid [of God’s judgment] is not perfected in love [has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love]” (1Jn 4:8, Amp)
 
Commitment means a willingness to give your time, resources and energy to someone you love, to something that you believe in. Commitment means to give and keep a promise or a firm decision to do something for another. It is an agreement or a pledge to do something in the future that will engage your resources, time and emotions. Commitment is an issue of love, surrender, long suffering, patience and faithfulness. It is the attitude of someone who works very hard to help and support another. In marriage, it is a vow, a covenant to love one another ‘until death do us part’. The opposite of commitment is emotional coldness, betrayal, denial, irresponsibility, breaking the vow and breaking the heart of love!
 
Every relationship needs commitment to survive, to grow. Marriage in particular needs commitment to make it work. The fear of commitment is more a male issue. Women generally desire commitment in marriage more than the men. Most men desire marriage but they also fear faithfulness. They fear staying faithful to only one woman. Many prefer long time dating but not marriage. The cause may be fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of losing control, fear of betrayal, fear or intimate vulnerable love, fear of losing the freedom of choices. A man may love the woman he dates. But when he sees that the love becomes deeper, he decides to withdraw his emotions because of fear of commitment. The irony is that fear of commitment may mask a desperate desire for the intimacy and security that manifests only in a healthy long-term committed relationship. Sometimes we most fear what we most need. A coward says: ‘I want to love but just in case love fails, I am safe by keeping distance from the object of my love’. How sad…
 
The consequences of a fear of commitment: There are dangers involved with not committing, which include the possibility of a lonely life and the throwing away of perfectly good relationships, as the baby gets thrown out with the proverbial bathwater.
 
Child of God, you should search your heart! ‘God has not given you the spirit of fear, but power, love and sound mind’ (2Tim 1:7). If you desire to draw closer to God, to deepen your level of intimacy with God, then fear must be seen as an enemy! Perfect love confronts and fights, rejects and conquers all fears! There is a price to pay for a deeper walk with God. The Holy Spirit will tell you to enter the fire that will not burn you. He will tell you to enter the water that will not drown you. You must obey! Love obeys the Lover! Even unto death! Love is risky but love is true! And love never fails! Why chose to live like a coward who is afraid of saying yes to the Lord Jesus? This principle applies to marriages too. If you desire to marry or you want to deepen your relationship with your spouse, reject fear! And welcome love! From that time on, your life will never be the same again! Praise the Lord!

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